For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
