Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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