careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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