Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
