is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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