I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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