Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
