I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This house was built for laser tag.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
