before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
