I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
