did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
