Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
