my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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