It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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