I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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