I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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