Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
