he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
