Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize