Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
