the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
