i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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