It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
