i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
