I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
