Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
