Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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