told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
