I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
