I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize