this boner is exhausting
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
did i just pee glitter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
