Kiss
Puke
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
