hell yes lets make some ravioli
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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