Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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