I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
