My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
