Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
