I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
