I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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