i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
