im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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