On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can I color on your dick again?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
