rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
