I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
40s are totally the cure
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
