Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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