Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
