My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
