i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
