It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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