New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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