I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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