he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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