We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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