i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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