I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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