lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
