I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i drank out of a bidet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
