We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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