So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
