she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
