he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
