I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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