My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
