I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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