I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
