Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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