you have to choose: penises or morals?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize