why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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