You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
