What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
