Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
