Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
