you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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