i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
