Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
