Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
