it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
