The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize