I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
