Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
worst night to have a conscience
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
