I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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