We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
