i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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