she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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