thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
