i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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