fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
