Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
