she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
