OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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