Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Someone shattered a urinal.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
