My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
