He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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