Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
