take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
