I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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