Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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