I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She bit a glass in half.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
