So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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